i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
