so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A bitchslap is in order.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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