I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
