I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
