So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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