franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
