I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
