is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
