Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
