Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
