okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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