Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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