my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
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