Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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