Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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