Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
