Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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