I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
