I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
