Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
