so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
