Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
