How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
