A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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