Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
