We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
