it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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