First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
