Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
