some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
