erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found your dick twin last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
