What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
