is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
