two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize