just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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