this just has baby written all over it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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