Do you still have your period?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
