i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
