What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
