After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
