Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
