A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
