I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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