I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
