the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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