her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
