Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
