On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
