just come out here and I will go home with you...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
