the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
