he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
