I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
