I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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