so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
