Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
