There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
