Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
