The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
