I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
