They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
