hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
