It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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