This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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