just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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