Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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