we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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