i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
