is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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