woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
