Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
