Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
